Padder:
Hakim Sahib, tell me… what is the proper way for good parenting that can produce great leaders?
Hakim Sahib:
My dear Padder, people spend mountains of money and oceans of effort to provide their children the most expensive education. They chase schools with shining buildings, teachers with polished accents, and programs decorated with big promises. Yet, in my experience—humble as dust before Allah—most of these efforts end in disappointment.
Because tarbiyah is not built in classrooms.
Tarbiyah is built in hearts.
And hearts, my dear, do not learn by lectures.
They learn by witnessing.
Padder:
So the secret is not the system, but the self?
Hakim Sahib:
Exactly. Only one thing truly works when it comes to tarbiyah: Practical leadership.
You have to be, what you want your child to become.
As simple and as difficult as that.
Look at the life of our Beloved Prophet ï·º.
He did not merely say “pray,” he prayed more than anyone.
He did not merely say “give charity,” he gave more than anyone.
He did not merely say “be humble,” he walked among people like a gentle breeze—so low, so soft, yet so life-giving.
He ï·º was the most grateful, the most generous, the most courageous, the most truthful, the most merciful…
He did not build followers through commands—
He built leaders through example.
This is why Allah made him Uswatun Hasanah, the Perfect Model.
Padder:
So parenting is not about teaching?
Hakim Sahib:
Teaching has its place, but teaching without embodiment becomes noise.
Children do not imitate instructions;
children imitate character.
If you want your child to pray, let them see you crying in sujood.
If you want your child to speak truth, let them hear you standing for truth.
If you want them to serve, let them watch you serve without being asked.
If you want them to be leaders, let leadership radiate from your smallest actions.
Raise yourself, and Allah will raise your children through you.
Improve yourself, and your children will improve just by breathing in your presence.
Padder:
So the real parenting begins inside me?
Hakim Sahib:
Indeed.
Children live what they see.
You cannot plant mangoes and expect apples.
Nor can you plant darkness and expect light.
Be the garden.
Be the fragrance.
Be the character you wish to see in them.
And trust that Allah, Al-Hadi—the One who guides—will let your example blossom into leaders of their time.
Padder:
SubhanAllah…
Hakim Sahib, this changes everything.
Hakim Sahib:
My dear, tarbiyah is not about shaping children. Tarbiyah is about shaping yourself so that your children naturally find a path worth walking.